THE UNISEX PURITY TEST

VERSION 6.6c - 1500 QUESTIONS

If you thought the millenial purity test was bad, well you ain't seen nuttin' yet... This is the 1500 point Purity Test!

We felt that the 1000 point version lost a lot of the "fun" of the earlier versions, so we re-wrote it, adding a few new sections, and a shitload of questions. This test is guaranteed to be nosier that your parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something to offend everybody.

Enjoy (and I know you will).

A text version of this document is available at ftp://entropy.muc.muohio.edu/pub/p7a77/purity.txt

Table O' Contents

Introduction

Public domain; no copyright. All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed. Up with going down. The risen flesh commands: let there be love. Murphy's law on sex: Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Non-Credits

This document was not sponsored by the Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and was not monitored by the Air Force Avionics Laboratory. The views and conclusions contained in this document should not be interpreted as representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the Defense Advanced Projects Agency or the US Government. Neither should it be interpreted nor inferred that the authors/contributors have actually performed any or all of the actions contained here in, but they most likely have.

Feel free to distribute at Will (or anyone else you know, for that matter), but please don't change the intro (but if you absosmurfly MUST do that, at least leave the credits in... we worked hard, dammit! :) ).

Genesis / History

Instructions for Use

This is a fairly long test consisting of 1500 questions. It starts out tame and gets progressively worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint). There are many ways of going about taking this test. You can, of course, as your right, guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself in your room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the most fun way to utilize this test is to hold a Purity Test Party. All you need is one copy of the test, and a bunch of frie nds. (Lots of writing implements and paper would be useful too.) The person with the copy of the test is the test administrator; s/he reads the questions out loud and everybody else writes down their answers. We have no definite rules as to whether the participants are required to divulge their answers; that is up to the group to decide. However, being open with your answers leads to some great conversations. But no matter what you decide, each person's purity score should be made common knowledge. (The person with the highest score gets to be giggled at for the rest of his/her life.) This works great at parties and lets everybody know who's easy and who isn't, so you'll know who to go home with. Don't leave home without it.

On the whole, this is biased for experience and, hence, age. If you're still too young to qualify, well, these things take time. Chaste makes waste. Virginity can be cured. Remember: the conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are pervert s"

All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened to you subsequent to your weaning and babyhood/infancy. Anything that may have happened before that time is considered not standing and void.

Definitions (for the innocent, naive, or too busy)

Scoring

This is a yes-or-no test, so just make sure you have noticeably different marks for yes and for no. Common ones are an X and an O, a check mark and a smiley face, whatever. When you are finished, count up all of the "no" answers and divide that numbe r by 15. That is your "percentage purity." Or, if you have less "yes" answers than "no," count THOSE up and subtract from 1500. Then divide THAT number by 15. OR, just to make thing even more confusing, if you don't have an answer sheet (or don't want to use one), just make those little hash marks for "yes" answers (the ones that you make four of them and then cross a line through them for five... easy to count). Take the total, subtract from 1500, and divide by 15. Basic math stuff.

We would now like to bring to your attention that there is no passing nor failing score. Therefore, one really shouldn't worry too much about getting a high score...even if you do get giggled at for the rest of your life.

--- ALL TECHNICALITIES COUNT ---

And, most of all, this is entertainment. Have as much fun in the taking as was had in the making.

Note to the test administrator

Even though we tried to prevent it, this test can get monotonous. Try to "liven" it up by adding comments and goofiness wherever you want to. Encourage testees to be open with their answers. Taking a break is allowed, but not recommended. Plan on a few hours. Order some pizza. Get a keg. Smoke a bowl. Drop a hit. Whatever. Basically, have a party.

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Perverts Anonymous Qualification Exam
Version 6.6c March 25, 1993 10:25.42pm
primary writer: Steamed Rhubarb Fondue (J. A. Pfaff)
contributing writers: Wolvorine (Owen Kuhn), Astra (JAN!),
and friends and family of The Erotic Nightmare Revue
E-mail any questions or comments to:
p7a77@concentric.net

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I. The Lamer Section

(Good Clean, 'Wholesome' Activities - 90 Questions)

Have you ever:

II. Who Says You Need a Partner? OR I'm The Best I've Ever Had

(Autoerotica and Mono-Sexualism - 91 Questions)

(while the actions described here are usually done in private, it counts if others were present)

Have you:

III. How Low Will You Go?

(Ethical Considerations - 146 Questions)

Have you:

IV. I Fought the Law and *I* Won

(Legal technicalities - 70 Questions)

Have you:

V. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Hiney Ho

(Cults, Occults, Ghosts, Aliens, and Weirdness - 30 Questions)

Have you:

VI. This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stick-Up

(Non-Platonic Activities (the steamy part) Part 1 - Men - 86 Questions)

With or by a person of the male gender, have you:

VII. Julia Child, Eat Yourself Out

(Kitchen Utensils and Power Tools - 42 Questions)

Do you own, or have you ever owned, the following:

VIII. Something Smells Fishy Down Here

(Non-Platonic Activities (the steamy part) Part 2 - Women - 84 Questions

With or by a person of the female gender, have you:

IX. The Nitty and the Gritty

(Things To Do and People To Do Them With - 65 Questions)

Are you now, or have you ever been:

X. The Meaning Of Life

(Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll - 124 Questions)

have you:

XI. Green Eggs and Ham

(Locality - 178 Questions))

"have you done it on a plane,
have you done it on a train;
have you done it in your bed,
have you done it on your head;
Have you, have you,
had green eggs and ham"
(with apologies to Dr Seuss)

Have you:

XII. Look, Ma, No Hands!

(Style - 130 Questions)

Have you:

XIII. Kids, Don't Try This at Home

(The Erotic, the Kinky, the Tacky, and the possibly Perverted - 192 Questions)

Have you:

XIV. Don't Worry; I was a Boy Scout

(Bondage and S&M - 56 Questions)

Have you ('voluntarily'):

XV. Mama Always Told Me to Share

(Group Sexual Activities - 30 Questions)

Have you:

XVI. Old MacDonald had his Farm, E-I-E-I-OHHHHHHH!

(Bestiality - 28 Questions)

Have you:

XVII. Let there be Lips!

(The Rocky Horror Picture Show [RHPS] - 42 Questions)

Have you:

Have you performed, for an entire show, the part of:

XVIII. Eyes on Your Own Papers, Please

(Testing - 15 Questions)

Have you:

Epilogue

Warranty

We hope that you have enjoyed this test. It does not come with a warranty, nor does it guarantee that it will get you laid or make you somehow somewhat better in bed or the haystack. The makers of this test are not responsible for any liabilities or da mages resulting from this test, including but not limited to paternity suits.

Disclaimer

The user of this test acknowledges that sex is a hazardous sport; that a person must copulate in control, and use good judgement at all times; that partners' conditions vary constantly and are greatly affected by weather changes and previous use; and t hat dirty sheets, variations in terrain and bed surfaces, spouses/pimps/managers, forest growth, rocks and debris, clothed obstacles, and many other natural and man-made obstacles and hazards, including other users and customers, exist throughout the bedr oom area. Personal managers (pimps/spouses) and sado-masochistic operations and equipment are constantly in use and may be hazardous to those not copulating in control. Impotence, collisions, and social diseases resulting in injury can happen at any time, even to those copulating in control with proper sexual equipment. Inherent risks are part of the sport and may exist within your partner. As a condition of being permitted to use the facilities of your partner, the user of this test agrees to copulate in control and within the limits of his/her ability, and further acknowledges and accepts these hazards, dangers, and risks and assumes the risk of injury or loss to person or damage to property which might result from use of the partner's facilities. As a further condition of being permitted to use the facilities of your partner, the customer understands and agrees that: (1) in the event of a transfer of use by another or anything else in the management's opinion is misconduct, misuse, kinky, impoten ce, or nuisance, this service may be revoked without refund; (2) the partner is the property of the harem and, upon request, s/he must be presented to any authorized representative of the pimp/spouse; (3) sexual equipment must be visibly displayed at all times when you are in any bedroom and when approaching the bed to copulate. Your sexual partner is not transferable; see Theft of Services, V.S.A., sections 2581 and 2582.

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open back panel; no user serviceable parts inside. Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of the publisher; just don't edit or change it. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state to state (i.e. inebriated, ecstasy). Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance discouraged and frowned upon. Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as dire cted. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too inten se for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten befor e date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not affiliated with the A merican Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsib le for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdra wl. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here wit hout admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly proh ibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. S ome of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. This supersedes all previous notices.

Drive carefully; 90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.

The above is a public service announcement of this institution.

p7a77@concentric.net and The Erotic Nightmare Revue

Peace, Pot, Microdot.