The Great Mystical Denny's started Mar 30, 1992 Chapter I [Mr. Ed] Ed and his friends from that awsome BBS, Alley Closed, all decided to go on a trip. So they all piled into a big, green pokadotted, semi- comfortable bus. No one could decide on what music they wanted to hear because everyone had different tastes. So they played just a few seconds of different kinds of music. "ICE..ICE..BABY...ICE ICE..." "I touch myself. I want you to.. "STOP Hammer time.." "EXIT light! Enter Night! Take my" "...Ding-a-ling...my ding-a-ling.. I want you to play with my..." "X-es live in Texas. That's why my heart's in..." "HELL! Your gonna burn in HELL!" Yes it was going to be a weird trip but what else was there to do after a Nuclear War! As they started, Ed mentioned something about going to look for the GREAT MYSTICAL DENNY'S. "I heard about this Denny's in my dad's Bible, 'The Holy Diner'. It is said that all roads lead to it. I think if we find this place we will learn about life itself! But watch out for the EVIL Lenny's! It is the root of all evil! Lenny's is the cause of WACO, The dennyless land." So the group decided to go look for this Denny's and headed into the sunset... their first stop was in the city of....... [Jose Cuervo] The Never Open Truck Stops. Jose Cuervo, their bus driver, was driving with an uneasy expression on his face. "I could have sworn that the truck stops would have been open today. We really need some gas and Slim said he needed to go to the bathroom." As the group of uneasy adventures circled the small town they heard a tremendous crash.... [Aj] The crash was a truck...[ya know one of those BIG 18 wheeler rigs]. The driver rolled his truck over... Slim heard the crash! He still had to go to the batroom REAL BAD!....Jose slammed the gas....in about an hour...the group was in the land of God Knows Where... [This is FUNNY! I like this new story!] [Night Eagle] 'The Land of God Knows Where' was actually the name of this decrepit little ghost town with a welcome sign at the entrance reading "Welcome to 'The Land of God Knows Where'" pop. 505 horses. 14,323 cows. 210,000 dogs. 1,010 cats. 0 (due to all the dogs) As Jose slammed on his brakes, the truck (bus) came to a sliding stop on the red dirt road throwing all of the BBS'ers side to side then forward! As Night Eagle peeled his face off of the front windshield he heard a cowarding scream from near the........ [Aj] ...rear of the bus! Aj had stubbed his little toe! After they regrouped and got back to normal, the gang (now of about 100 in attendance...) decided to stop for lunch....while they were eating a funny little hunchback man walked over...... [Lady Love] ...and made an extremely disoriented expression! He straightened up his back the best he could, then his expression turned from disoriented to determined as he spoke with a great thunderous voice. The hunchbacked man moaned his name to the group and as the pure intensity of his voice sank in to all of their heads, it was the name of the infamous......... [Mr. Ed] ...Bobby Joe! Yes the one and only man who single handedly opened up thousands of Truck Stops. "HOWDY folks! Welcome to my nice little shack on the side of the road. You people dont look familiar to me. Are you frum out of town?" ED stuck out his hand for a big hand shake and replied, "WHY yes we are! We are on a journey to find the Mystical Denny's. Do you know the way?" "YES!", replied the man, "I KNOWwwww The WAY! The question is can YOU.." (pointing at ALL of them) "...find the way! If it is true in your hearts you will be fulfilled and your dreams will come true and the secret of Denny's will be yours!" After they all finished eating they hopped back in the bus and took off down the road. They saw a sign wich said Highway 643 5 miles ahead. But little did they know.... [Jose Cuervo] ...that the road sign had been misplaced. The sign was actually supposed to have been placed 10 more miles away. After 5 miles went by Jose turned on the first street he saw. Ed did not think that was the right way but Jose went ahead anyway. The next town they came across was............. [Aj] ...called 'AJville'.[I know,,I know!] The houses were dark and the street was deserted... But the group continued until... [Mr. Ed] ...they saw a guy running from a pack of long haired stoners. They asked they guy what was going on. "Well I was just yelling Metallica Sucks at these guys and they got all huffy," he exclaimed. "Well hop in and you can search for the Mystical Denny's with us!" Yelled ED. So the guy hopped in the bus and off they went...but to where? They had no idea where they were. And worse of all they were low on gas! [The Sorceress] The party was getting anxious about where they were going... A voice from the back of the polka-dotted bus suddenly spoke out..."All roads lead to Dennys. You don't have to take a certain road, all you have to do is follow the road you are on, and Dennys will loom ominously in front of you." It was none other than Darkside, one of the high-waiters of Dennys. As simple as that, the party began relaxing about their journey. A gas station suddenly appeared in the distance, and lucky enough, because the bus was on it's lasat drop of fuel. After gassing up, and after everyone (*100 people???*) had used the handy public facilities, the party began heading down the road once more. After driving a bit, the party came to an IHOP. "Let's stop here and get a bite to eat!" was heard shouted by someone in the back of the bus... But, the party realized as they drove up.... [Night Eagle] ...that they had left poor AJ and The Sorceress back at the La Quinta (which is found next door the every Denny's, Jo Jo's and IHOP!)! They had stopped off in there to ask for directions to the 'Mystical Denny's'! The directions that they received went as follows: go forward here 'til ya get to......noo no no no nom that ain't ritche, lemme think here a minute......OK! See ya take a left up at that there sign and......Well no no no, that ain't it either....hmmm, couldn't tell ya little missy, I plum forgot, but good luck in your most excellent adventure (heheheh)!" As they all simultaniously realized that two important members of the journey had been forgotten and abandoned, they quickly turned around to fetch them, but before they could reach the La Quinta a huge........... [Moogie] ...gang of bikers had surrounded the bus. They stopped the bus at the side of the road. "Don't worry, I'll handle this," said Ed as he opened the door of the bus. The rest of the pilgrims peered through the windows anxiously as Ed approached the largest of the bikers, who was covered with tattoos saying "BBS'ers suck!" "I don't like this," Andromeda said, "What if... [Night Eagle] ...he is armed Ed?" Ed stopped cold in his tracks, thought about what Andromeda had mentioned and quickly retreated to the back of the bus clenching his fists in frustration! Ed really wanted to be brave but he knew that bravery was no excuse for death!!! Night Eagle quickly took Ed's place in the large ugly biker's face, they stared each other down like two ginfighters in the old west. Glaring and snarling at each other until Night Eagle could take no more. He briskly stepped back two steps and pulled the sleeve of his left arm up to reveal an identical tatoo to the one on the biker's forehead! The two from then on had a mutual bonding and the Biker's were all quick to accept the BBS'ers into their clan! Coincidentaly, the biker's had the same quest! But, the Biker's had another disgusting, canablistic quest of their own which Lady Love had found out evesdropping on them. She ran up to all of them panting of exhaustion. "What is it Lady Love?" Exclaimed Aj! She quickly responed with horror in her eyes"...... [Lady Love] ...(pant, pant) " They've got Lorelei and Andomeda, and they're ganna use them in canablistic sacrifices. They kidnapped them from the La Quinta! They're not really our friends, they're from the dark side, Lenny's!" "We've got to think of a plan to get them back before it's too late." Jose had already started scamming up a plan, which went as follows... [Mr. Ed] ..."Well I dont know how they got Andromeda... she was just here... they must have some evil force helping them out. We could all go down the road a few blocks then walk back and get them from behind. Night Eagle can take the big guy. I am sure he is MANly enough! And the rest of us just beat the hell out of the closest person! Sound like a plan??" [Tapeworm] But all that messy fighting and brawling was totally unessary because Tapeworm had the 1-800 number to the Enterprise. He called and had Jordi LaForge beam the whole crew up to the enterprise and back to a Denny's in Detroit Michigan, where that scientists had discovered a giant fungi living 100 feet under the ground covering 20 square miles. So the whole gang are at Dennys with Tapeworm and the waitress asked us all "What the .......................... [Mr. Ed] ...heck is going on here?? You peoplez just popped right up. Are you some of them (*&%*& Aliens???" Ed then stepped up and said, "OH no ma'am we are travellers in search for the Mystical Denny's! And it looks like we found it. May I use that counter over there?" Ed then goes over and starts chanting. And before ya know it the others that were left behind appear in front of him. "You see, there is alot to be learned at Denny's." Just then a man ran up to the group and started yelling, "THE Holy Panda Mask as been stolen! An evil force just took it away. I have no idea who it was but I did find this!" The he showed the group a..... [Jose Cuervo] ...power supply that had gone out on Roide's computer. The man said, "I saw some crazed man cursing at it as he ran done the street. Then the man threw it at me. Does anybody know what it is used for?" A muffled voice said........ [Brust] "Yes I, Brust, know what the strange device is for for I am an Ecclecticle Engineer. This device was created many years ago in a experiment gone bad. The evil alchemist Do Jan Hoon was in search of the ever elusive formula for gold and created this instead. It is said that no modern computer will work without one but I believe it to be a hoax by the evil Hoon in order to corner the world computer market. I bet if we find Hoon .... [Night Eagle] [I don't like this story anymore! Whoever's idea it was to "beam" them up, all I have to say is that it was totally stupid and completely phuc*ed up the story!!!!] [Mr. Ed] ...we will find the Holy Panda mask!" "Yes, but where does this Hoon live?" asked Ed. "Why where else would someone so evil and so vile live? Dallas of course!", exclaimed Brust. "Well lets go get him and return the Panda Mask!" yelled The Sorceress as she gave Ed a hug and kiss. So the group hopped in the bus and headed for Dallas. [Vireal] As they were riding on the bus towards Dallas, the sky suddenly turned black, the wind started to blow, lighting streaked the Skies! "A tornado," screamed Night Eagle as he was sucked out of the bus into the whirling, swirling, tornado. Suddenly, there was a great flash of light! A low, deep, loud thud was heard, then again. It sounded like thunder, but it was more distinct... All of a sudden, the BBS'ers on the bus saw the lights from a van approaching from the west... It was without a doubt a boom-car with 6 15 inch Pyle speakers, with 10.. 400 watt amps... The Low bass cut through the weather like a beam of concentrated plasma-like energy... The bus started to shake, rattle and roll, as the yellow Volkswagon bug with 6 15 inch speakers bounced by. By then the strom dissipated to a dull drizzle. All the BBS'ers got off the bus to search for their lost companion, Night Eagle, and they found him laying in a sand dune, still alive, but with a severe case of Amnesia. "Where am I?", "I want 2 Big Macs to go Please." said Night Eagle in a state of compleate comfusion... What Next??? [Mr. Ed] The group liked the system the guy had in his bug so they all jumped him. Not alot a guy can do when over 30 people jump him and beat him senseless. After they pounded the Vanilla Ice hair-doo out of him they took his stereo....and speakers and jumped back in the bus. They continued their journey towards Dallas. [Night Eagle] Not knowing his name nor where or why or how about anything, Night Eagle in his unconcious stupor, grabbed the closest Metallica CD, slipped it in and started to jam with the others! As he was head bangen' his memory slowly started to return! Night Eagle then remembered that Vireal had all but written him out of the story so he turned to Vireal and slapped him silly. After which, there were no hard feelings (hint)! So there they were, cruizen to the big "D" in a bus BOOMen and Jamen to Metallica's best when they see a sign which read:....... [Lady Love] [I liked that little slip out of the story there Night Eagle!! Sorry, no ideas from me right now!] [Mr. Ed] ....which read....."NKODHJE EJEHUDLK" which in English meant welcome to India. "INDIA!!", everyone yelled in unison. "How did we get in India?", Ed asked Jose. "I dunno, man. I must of taken a wrong turn.", said Jose. There wasn't alot that the group could do, so they decided to go to Delhi. Once they reahed Delhi they were all parched with thirst so they decided to go to the local...... [Night Eagle] ....pub! [Slim] Once there, took of their socks and wrapped it around their heads in place of rags so they would fit in.... [Brust] This of course was a brilliant idea because not only did they look out of place they smelled different. Actually to be truthful the adventuring BBS'ers smelled quiet well because they had all showered recently with that new three in one soap. Everyone else in the pub stunk, because the pub was in Dehli, India one of the filthiest cities in the world. Realizing this, the BBSers decided to put up with the smelly socks on thear heads in hope that this would get them in good with the natives so that they could possibly get some information on Dallas, or even the Panda Mask .... [Mr. Ed] The first guy they walked up too was a man named ABDUL (of course). (Spoken with India accent) "Hello...please to be meeting you. My name is Grech. Me and my friends would like to be getting to America to find the Holy Panda Mask. Do you know what I am saying? Could you help us get there?", Ed said. Thanx to the lessons Darkside taught him in speaking the language correctly he sounded like a pro. [Vireal] "You can be getting there by going down the road up south passing the Water tower, taking a right when you watch a curve in the road." said Abdul. "We are to be thanking you very much!" said Grech. All the BBS'ers jumped back into the bus and were on their way when a 18 wheeler came up beside them. It was from the Sherwin Williams Corporation, so it was a big rolling paint can. The driver of the truck yelled for the BBS'ers to pull over. Night Eagle, seeing the 18 wheeler drivers eyes, flew into a fit of rage! (Flew, Night Eagle.. Heheheheheh) Welp, Night Eagle jumped onto the 18 wheeler and ripped the access panel off the storage tank for paint. He then shoved a large piece of dry ice in the paint and closed the access panel. Within a couple of seconds, the truck started to expand, then there was a ripping sound, as the paint truck blew up into thousands of pieces. The BBS'ers Bus was now a bus of a different color, yellow. Every ones thoughts then turned to Night Eagle. Was he blown to feathers in the Explosion? No, Night Eagle was clinging onto the side of the bus, his back covered in yellow paint... The BBS'ers pulled Night Eagle into the bus, cleaned him off and started off on their journey. Little did they know that... [Mr. Ed] The truck driver was hanging on to the other side of the bus! When they finally got Night Eagle in, everyone was laughing at him but he did not know why. Someone then pointed at the yellow stripe down his back. While everyone was laughing at him the truck driver reached in and grabbed ED, who was sitting by a window, and started pulling at him yelling, "I'm gonna kill you and your little friends! You little punks blew up my truck! Now you will die!" Ed then pulled out his pet SIberian hungry canabalistic ants, which he kept in a jar, and poured them on the guys arm. As the ants started eating on the guys arm he screames in pain and was thrown into the meat grinder which just happened to be sitting on the side of the road. Ed put the ants back in the jar and put the jar away. He then threw the arm out the window and settled back down with TS in the seat. [Mr. Ed] While they were driving, someone in the front of the bus said very loudly, "Why are we looking for this Denny's?? It is not the true God! There is only one true God and his son Jesus!! So I think we should all go home and not continue this journey anymore." No one listened to him. "Well look here in the Bible! It says... blah blah..mummble mummble...blah blah..." After everyone woke up they told the guy to please be quiet and sit back down. By this time they had entered The Florida border. They knew it was Florida because they saw a big orange floating in the sky. Yes it is the ORANGE state!!! :) [Vireal] The Giant orange fell from the sky in a bright ball of orange flame then... [Brust] The BBSers bus had to swerve to miss the falling orange sun. This caused them to miss the exit to the legendary Denny's they had been questing for so long. After regaining control of the bus they found that weird things had happened. The falling sun had in effect used it's tremendous mass to slingshot the BBSers back into time. If fact as they looked out of the bus and found that there was no longer even a highway for them to drive on. At that point the earth started shaking and as they looked over the horizon they saw a Tyranysaurus heading directly towards ............. [Roche Choo] the nearby outhouse.. fortunately, there were porta-potties (although rather large for humans) stationed randomly about the area.. all the bbsers hastened to the toilets and relieved themselves.. but suddenly Org, the caveman, entered the scene and proceded to.... [Night Eagle] .....pee on Roche Choo.....not.....heheheh [sorry, can't think of anything for a caveman to do with BBS'ers from the future!] [Johnny Zed] ...but tht was irrelevant, because all of a sudden Jose suddenly had the feeling that he was being shaken violently, and with a start, he awoke. "Man, Jose, you were yelling in your sleep," Mr. Ed said. Jose rubbed his eyes, and blearily looked around the old double-decker bus (to seat 100+ people, sometime you gotta add on, eh?). "Jose had a terrible dream, y'all! Jose dreamed that we had met some bikers, and that that weird guy with the visor from ST:TNG [pausing carefully to insert the colon] had beamed us over to a Denny's-like establishment in New Jersey, and the bus went yellow and T-rex was on another concert tour, or something, and somedy got locked in a port-a-potty!." he said to the hushed crowd hunched around. "Hm..." the kid in Humble Guise said. "Sounds like the Snarf Fairy was a little tweaked, IMHO." So the bus lumbered on under the starry, twilit summer evening sky... Chapter II [Mr. Ed] Ed was sure they would find Dennys, and with this dream that Jose had he knew it for sure. As they travelled down the open highway hey were pulled over by a motorcycle cop. The police officer had kind of a funny walk (like a corn cob was shoved up his rear). When he reached the bus he showed Jose a picture and said, "Have you seen this boy?" Jose then...... [Bob The Tapeworm] Jose then....turned to Bob, who was moving in on some dame from Flagstaff, Arizona. Her hair was curly, like sterofoam packaging. Her eyes were like the round part of a ceiling fan. Her nose was like a Mr. Pibb can. Her lips were as red as a bleeding rose. Her skin was nice, at least for a biker. Her form was nice, too... reminded Bob of a samurai hat he once brought into Luby's. "So, babe, come here often?", Bob said, as he glanced around the interior of his hovercraft. "No.", she said, in her sultry, Stalin-esque voice. "So, babe, when can you get off work?" "Never." "Great," said Bob, waving a five-dollar bill in her face, "I'm free Friday!" She looked at him, just as Nixon had, and laughed, whereupon Bob took out his trusty orthograpghy book and started to.... [Mr. Ed] ...quote out certain parts of the book. He then woke up and found himself leaning on the stuffed Roxy doll beside him. He had been dreaming the whole time. Ed looked at the cop and said, "Uh...no sir.. we havent seen that boy. Why do you ask?? By the way....you look familiar Have we met before?" The cop then turned into liquid and formed into a can opener. Ed was grabbed and his head forced into the jaws of the can opener. Luckily Ed was carrying a STUN gun. He charged it up and let the cop have a taste of 20,000 V.... being metal he conducted the electricity very well. It gave Ed a shock too but he just laughed as the blue glow of electrical currents flowed around and through his body. Ed kicked the cop out of the bus and closed the door. As soon as the door was closed Jose slammed the petal to the metal and hauled ass [yes I can say it...I mean I hear it on TV all the time] down the road. [Vireal] Then then bus ran into a lear jet, and the bus's engine was replaced by the lears, the throttle whatever was stuck all out, so they bus soon reached the speed of sound when... [Plexar] It went kaboom!!!!!!!!!!! [sorry. End of story] [Vireal] [Great now I have to change my titles...] [Johnny Zed] [hm... not quite.] Suddenly, someone's carnivorous ant bit Ed, waking him up *again*. "Man, I gotta stop falling asleep and dreaming these fantastic things!" he said, and reached over to pick up the ant and place it in one of Jose's bottles, since he didn't like to kill things belonging to people bigger than him. Then he turned around and asked a biker babe named Sarah if she had any Dramamine to keep him from feeling motion-sick, and some Vivarin to keep him up for the rest of the journey to the Mystical Denny's... Unfortunately, he turned too quickly, and hit his head on a piece of luggage that was slowly falling out of the overhead luggage rack. As he fell onto the floor unconscious, he began to dream yet another silly dream: [Vireal] [We're off to see the Wizard....] [Randolv The Cleric] ...with incredible slowness, the man's body twisted, writhing as it fell for what seemed eternity through the deep, emerald blue skies that appeared to be the sole composition of this world. But within what seemed seconds, he had stopped, suspended on the great, white, billowing cloud beneath him. Levering himself up, Ed wondered where he was today, and why he was wearing a military uniform. With a flash, the surrounding transformed themselves, and he was in the middle of a rain- drenched hell, darkness in all directions, the smell of burnt flesh, thermite, and napalm in the air. With a deep breath, he screamed out to the world "I love the smell of napalm in the morning!" Grabbing hold of the M-14 automatic assault rifle, he trudge off through the mud, toward his enemy.... [Snow Queen] Off in the distance he could hear the sound of machine guns, but that didn't deter him. The atmosphere was hot, sticky and hot, and his camouphlage attire stuck to him like nothing had ever stuck to him before. Trudging through the mud he finally reached the jungle and a semblance of safety. He knew at least it would be harder for the enemy to see him here. Not far from where he stood he heard a rustling of leaves and crouched, assault rifle in hand, and squatted very still. He knew he had to control his itchy trigger finger. The rustling came nearer, and he could tell it was not an animal, but he couldn't make out a true form. Suddenly he heard another noise behind him, and he knew he had to either shoot or die. Then at once he realized... [Mr. Ed] ...he was in Dallas. There was the bus with everyone on board. "Hey guys! I got the gas!" Ed yelled..while pulling a big exxon tanker behind him. After they filled the bus up they went decided to go to Deep Ellum to rest and party with the crowd. Ed decided to goto the Video Bar, since he had been there quite a few times and really enjoyed the music they played. So he asked everyone else if they wanted to go too. Just then a group of punks pulled up beside them. "Hey! What are you posers doing out here!" The one with the green hair said..... [Randolv The Cleric] ....pulling forth a large .357 Magnum, which he levelled with the bus, grinning an evil grin Ed had only seen once before...and that time he had nearly died. With glazed eyes, the punk waved about his revolver menacingly, never quite realizing that it had a hair-pin trigger until, unexpectedly, there was an explosion of sound, a crack as the .357 inch hollow-head slug tore forth, through the air, and into Ed's body. Blood exploded outward in a crimson rainbow, covering the far side of the bus while his bud fell to the ground, instantly dead, a large hole where his chest once was. Screaming in anger, Ed.... [Brust] Almost lost his cool but he instetead focused his inner strength and was able with one punch to let his inner Chi flow though his hand and into the punker head causing it to explode. Turning to Brust he said "Hey man, that Kung Fu sh*t really works." "Naturally," Brust replied. This of course scared off their other assailants and the BBSers thought it was safe to continue on their quest for the Mystical Denny's when .... [Johnny Zed] [I think it's great that we can keep having all of these silly dreams, while still remaining on the quest for Denny's. The reason why I started wake-ups was so that you wouldn't have to worry about ending the story... you could throw in whatever you wanted, as long as you stayed within the dream. Notice, however, that I have had some parts of the dreams leak into reality, like the carnivorous ant waking up Ed the second time, which could in fact mean that since the ant was in the first dream, the second wake-up was actually another dream beginning unto itself. How neat. Are you actually reading this? I don't think so. If you are, please address all side notes in brackets so we know they are not in the story, ok?] [Randolv The Cleric] ...for the mystical Denny's when, after driving around the encompassing confines of that great city known as Dallas, their bus stalled out in front of one of the many minor intersections that made up the heart of this great city. Cussing fluently, Randolv hopped from the back, walking around the bus to take a look at its engine, and find out,"What the f*ck happened!?" Just as he came around to the front of the bus, attempting not to slip on the blood that still dripped from Ed's buddy's hand out the window, he noticed that it was getting dark, and the stars were starting to shine...and he also noticed, with some terror, that one of the stars was moving rather quickly, apparently throwing off some sort of debris, like a comet... only it was heading straight for Fort Worth!"Incoming Nuke!"he screamed, diving under the bus... [Mr. Ed] ...under the bus....to hide in cowardice. The funny thing is that it was only a lightning bug flying in front of his face. Everyone chuckled at him. Jose, the mechanic and driver of the bus, hopped out and looked at the bus. The problem was the radiator was shot and there was no water in it. So the group took a walk to the closest gas station. 100 + people walking is kinda suspicious.... [Vireal] Ordinarily, that would work, but in these circumstances... All the BBS'ers lined up at the free water pump and Jose sprayed some water into each of the BBS'ers hands. When the BBS'ers got back to the Bus, none of them had any water! So, cursing again, Randolv told everyone just to spit in the radiator, as Jose closed the lid, a dark alley suddenly lit up... [Night Eagle] [This is gettin' kind of radical. I like it! Try to spice it up a little, and without the space shit!] [Randolv the Cleric] ...with a buzz and a whir, a large truck rumbled from out of the alley, with the inconspicuous words "Wonder Man Ice Cream" stenciled on the side. But, Randolv noticed something wrong the minute he saw it, for the thing was not a real ice cream truck as it had a large tarp over it... and under this tarp, a large, thin object could be seen. Wondering what it was, he pointed it out to the rest of the people... [Snow Queen] ...and Night Eagle, who was in the back, couldn't tell what all of the fuss was about. He said, "I'm awfully parched in this Texas heat, and we've been journeying a long time. I wonder how good the ice cream is on that truck?" Then Randolv nudged him and pointed to the top of the truck and the object sticking out. Then he saw that it was not-so-clearly- disguised satellite dish. "Hey, that truck is a mobile spy unit." And before Hight Eagle could finish uttering the last word the white colossus with "Wonder Man Ice Cream" falsely painted on the side came barrelling toward them. The entire group, like a giant amoeba, simultaneously started for the bus and safety. But before they could reach it, the truck stopped, and everyone could now see the satellite dish clearly. "These guys must be some stupid spies," thought D'N.O.T. Man. Just then a hidden door opened up around "Wonder Man Ice Cream" and a man garbed totally in black stepped out and said.. [Night Eagle] ...."The Denny's you seek lies beyond the great gates of the immortal spirit of..." Before he could finish, a loud abrubt burst of semi automatic rifle fire range out and broke the eager tension that the man had set! After the basic shock of seeing the man's eyes pushed out from the inside followed by most of his brain, the bbs'ers realized that the shot came from inside the truck! At that exact moment, a man dressed in a polyester tweed outfit stepped out. He was a tall man with greasy blonde hair and many scars on his face. An obvious Marine tattoo was placed on his right forearm and his eyes were blue but had an evil stare that could burn a hole through the toughest of metals! I am John the Greek said the man and I regret that the ladies had to see such a sight, but now you must all..... [Mr. Ed] ...sing and dance a jig or you will be next!" Everyone looked at each other and wondered what a jig was. "Just start dancing!" someone from the group exclaimed. So the group of 100+ BBSers started to sing and dance. Each one singing something different and dancing different. Ed decided to get roudy and started jumping around. He then yelled, "MOSH" and started humming MINISTRY tunes as he jumped from person to person. Everyone else was getting pissed at ED and started jumping and hitting back at him. Ed tried to whisper to everyone he could that he was going to go for the goon with the gun. As he jumped around he made his way closer to the gunman in the cool outfit. As he reached the guy he hurled himself towards the man and pulled out his 50 ft. of rope, which he just happened to be carrying, and knocked the guy down and started tieing him up. When he finished... [Randolv The Cleric] ...he realized that this man would have to be incredibly stupid to be the only one here, and even as he thought this, a second man, holding a 9mm Uzi submachine gun jumped from the cab of the truck, quickly scooting to one side with the weapon held at the ready, covering the 100+ BBS'ers. Half-heartedly, Randolv said "He only has 32 rounds...if we all charged we could take him." But it didn't seem anyone really wanted to do that, so instead they... [Aj] sat down and played monopoly. Aj ended up winning. By the time we finished, the dudes had run outta bullets....JUST THEN JOSE HAD SOME DISTURBING NEWS! [Roche Choo] "Umm.. guys.. I just wet my pants" Jose said, meekly.. "Ah, what the hell!" Ed said [ooh.. a rhyme].. and they all proceeded to make their way back to the Exxon so Jose could clean up.. "Nyick!" Ed said as he woke up again. "Is it warm in here, guys?" he asked, before he noticed he was alone. Looking down, he noticed it was HE who had wet his pants while dreaming. "Aw, damn!". He looked up. There it was! the Denny's he'd been searching for!.. He started to run.. and run.. and run.. [Holy Grail style].. then suddenly.. >SPLAT!< Ed was nailed by a rather large and forboding MAC truck. Ed, plastered to the grill of the truck, was carried along for a couple hundred miles before he could finally peel himself off.. He then noticed a large double-decker bus next to an Ice Cream truck with about 100 people standing in between, cursing about losing a game of some sort. Behind the bus, in the distance, way back there, a caveman could be seen beating some boob while a tyranasaurus took a leak in a huge toilet.."Hey, guys!".. Ed said... they all got in the bus and began to travel in a NNW direction, again on the trail to the elusive Denny's.. [Randolv The Cleric] ...several of the BBSers got physically sick, puking out of the bus windows and ending up plastering several cars with multi-colored puke. Wondering where they were going, Randolv began to imitate his favorite band rather loudly, and was quickly joined by several others. By the time the bus crashed through Atlanta, the trees were literally falling to the ground from the strains of Frayed Ends Of Sanity, which tore from some 30" speakers conveniently attached to the sides of the bus.. [Vireal] [Ordinarily, that would work, but in these circumstances...] Then there was silence, and a forboding spirit of great mental power was in the air... It was not human, or beast, nor was it alive... It was... [Hell if I know] [Roche Choo] ELVIS!.. without seeing him, the crew could tell who it was.. "Wow! Elvis is ALIIVE!" they thought.. but then the Elvis spirit began to sing.. AGH!.. it wasn't Elvis after all! it was Bob Dylan!!!! "Run away! Run away!" the bbsers screamed as they retreated to the slums of Atlanta.. Lost in a dark, smelly alley, the bbsers cautiously made their way along (in the bus still).. they saw a light ahead.. through a long tunnel.. and they began to head there when suddenly.. [Night Eagle] ....The story came to a screaching halt! [wooops, It's the never ending story! Ahhhhrrrrrg hehehehe] [Never mind] [Randolv The Cleric] ...they realized that they heard a bunch of angels singing in the background. Driving forward through the dark tunnel, they each wondered if this was, indeed, the long tunnel to heaven. After a minute or so of this, the light loomed incredibly large, and ED hit the gas....this was followed by a crash as the bus tore its way through a small church and back onto I30. Then... [Snow Queen] The sky started to darken as storm clouds quickly passed over the horizon from the east. It had been days since the last rain, and the earth was almost as parched as the BBSers. "Hey, Jose," yelled Randolv from the back of the bus, "why don't you pull over into that service station. I'm thirsty! Are we there yet? I gotta go! I'm hungry! Are we there yet? Where are we? Are we there yet?" His whining went on for about 5 minutes then ALL the BBSers turned in unison and yelled, "Shut up, Randolv!" "You little jerk-faced potato-headed weenie," said Bo Peep, "you'll know we're there when we get there." The sky was really dark by now, but it was strange because it hadn't started to rain, and there was no thunder or lightning. Randolv said, "Man I hate trite expressions, Bo Peep. Are we there ye-" Night Eagle got up and started toward him cutting him off midword. Then Randolv screamed, "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh, Locusts!!!" and everyone looked to where his finger was directed. From the east the darkness indeed was not storm clouds, but a swarm of locusts. Immediately there was a panic on the bus, and everyone began nervously talking and some of the BBSers tried to jump up and get out of the bus. Snow Queen yelled, "Step on it, Jose!"... [Bongmaster] [Elvis is dead,dead,dead,dead.....end of story] [Roche Choo] [wait.. WHO is driving!?.. just a minute ago, ED stepped on the gas, now Jose is driving.. are they just like taking turns or what?..] "Step on it, Jose!"... So [Driver] slammed on the gas, heaving the massive bus into a 130mph run.. but the locusts were too fast for the bus and caught up [!!!].. that's when the bbsers noticed that the locusts were CYBORG LOCUSTS FROM HELL!!.. "AAAaaaaaaahhh" said [Driver] and, to no avail, tried to speed the bus up more.. As the bbsers looked on in horror, the locusts began to gnaw away at the frame of the bus. "The bus'll be a goner in no time!" someone shouted.. the ever-thinking Night Eagle pulled out his can of Extra-Heavy-Duty RAID, and began to spray it out the window.. unfortunately, this only irritated the cyborg locusts and they proceeded to eat Night Eagle.. (hehe).. but they decided that wasn't so nice, so they spit him out again.. then Jose had a brilliant idea: He plugged in the Rod Stewart CD that was sitting on the dash and turned the stereo up full blast.. when the locusts got a load of this horrible sound emitting from the speakers of the bus, they began to.... [Randolv The Cleric] ...dance a jig on the bus roof, further annihilating the already nearly debilitated bus, and while this horrible cacophany of Rod Stewart songs crashed out of the 30" speakers, Randolv continued to scream in pain, attempting to plug his own walkman into his head to play soothin Metallica. Unable to do even this much, he grabbed a handful of the Cyborg Death Eradix Roach Locust Bastards and shoved them down Snow Queen's back...and then another handful for Bo Peep, in revenge for what they had done earlier. And as the Locusts continued their wild slam dancing on the roof of the bus... [Mr. Ed #31] ...Ed, who was NOT driving, reached into his jacket and pulled out a big blue industrial bug zapper FROM HELL and tied it to the outside of the bus. Luckily ED had this on him because the locust were attracted to the pretty blue light and all of them started swarming to it and when they got near it were turned into CYBORG LOCUST TOASTERS! After all the locust were out of commission Jose, THE DRIVER of the BUS, decided it would be wise to find a garage and fix the bus. [Randolv The Cleric] After finding a suitable garage (with enough spare metal to fix `er up), the group had to wait several hours while the bus was being put together. When this was finally completed, the large group poured back into the confines of the bus, which went underway once more, still in search of that damn Denny's! It was around noon now, and several of the BBS'rs were getting quite hungry...the situation got ugly when it was found that Jose had stashed a sandwhich in the glove comparment (of the bus) without letting the rest know...this was torn into shreds and hungrily downed while Jose watched in horror. Their tempers thus sated, they sat back down, some swapping meaningless tales while other apologized for stuffing locusts down backs... [Snow Queen] Snow Queen accepted Randolv's appology and playfully tweeked his little nose. When she didn't let go he slapped her hard causing her cheek to turn bright red and swell slightly. This made her really angry, so she pulled his nose right off his face. Blood was gushing everywhere, but Randolv didn't mind that much, because he reveled in the pain and the sight of the blood. "Man, we gotta get you to a hospital," said Night Eagle, "...Not!" Then Mr. Ed said, "Yeah, we really do. What's it feel like to have your nose torn off, Randolv?" "Oh, it's really not so bad; I kind of like it, really." Since Randolv didn't think it was such an emergency the rest of the BBSers decided to continue. Snow Queen then gave Randolv back his nose, and he promptly placed it in his back pocket. "Hey, Driver; Jose, isn't it?" yelled someone from the back. "I'm still hungry; can we stop some place real quick for a bite? That bite of sandwich wasn't enough for me." Jose, the DRIVER of the bus saw up ahead some restaurants and decided to pull into one of them and order something from the drive- thru window... [Mr. Ed] ...but when they saw the prices of the food everyone decided they were not hungry after all. Ed then proceeded to pull something out of his jacket. It was a veggie matic. He then pulled out some veggies and other good foods. "Sorry I can not find any junk food", he said, "But this health food will help your hunger for now." He then divided up all the food between everyone. After a few hours of driving it got late and everyone was begining to wonder where they were. Out on the horizon they saw big flames shooting in the air and heard gun shots. That is when they saw the sign..."WELCOME TO LA : You better stay or we will have to BEAT you!" [Night Eagle] [hehhehehehe Welcome to L.A. hahahah] B4 they could turn around... a gang of angry black men aproached with a very loud black woman as their "LEADER"!! "You white hownky pitse o' twash!! Whad da hail arya doin heya in LA? Are yooz doze folks dat is looken fo 'dat Lenny's....." "Denny's!!" Aj screams from the back of the bus!! "Well, since yooz looks like descent young folk, we won't beat you or eben steal ya shieeet! Now, I wiell tale you whaya dat Lenny's.... "DENNY'S!!!!" Aj screams once again. "Otay, otay, DENNY'S, well since yo padna in der is sucha little smot ayess, I ain't gonna tell yoo nutin!! So get gone outa heya befoe we jack slap awyall's ayesses!!!! Jose gave her a complying glance as he drove his bus full of bbs'ers back toward Nevada. But b4 they could hit the state lines...... [Moogie] ...the state lines hit them! there was a tremendous shock as the state line peeled off the road and struck the bus! "Wait!" said Randolv, "this can't be happining! Lines are just a concept they don't don't have mass!" Everyone else just looked confused, for even Randolv could not deny that the state lines had indeed just hit the bus... Then Jose piped in, "I think this is a mystical sign, that we are to turn back in order to find the mystical Denny's!" since they couldn't go forward because of the impeding lines, and since jose was driving anyway... [Randolv The Cleric] ...the entire bus ended up turning about once more, headed into the deep of beautiful California. Smoke decorated the horizons, large fires throwing lazy flickering light across the landscape, giving it an eerie feeling, like a battlefield after the fighting has finished. By this time, Randolv's nose had grown back, something he was supremely proud of, as he still had to scream in any type of pain. As they headed back to LA, Jose noticed another group of wanderers in the road, this time a gang of Hispanics...and noticing this he immediately tore off down a side road, to some unknown town. Driving into this, Snow Queen was the first to notice; "This is San Francisco!" Simultaneously, the BBSers screamed in terror... [Snow Queen] ..as the massive scaly foot crashed to the earth just ahead of the bus sending shockwaves throughout. Jose stomped on the brake, and the bus careened to a halt just inches of the Monster. A petite Japanese man on the sidewalk looked up and screamed, "Godzirra, Godzirra, lun for your rives!!!" [Roche Choo] Well, being as panicked as they were, the bbsers proceeded to jump out of the bus and run away.. except for Roche Choo cuz he was busy munching on the fried Cyborg Locusts from HELL that he had stuffed in his pocket after the previous incident with said insects.. Being thus occupied, Roche failed to notice the large danger looming in front of the bus.. He DID notice, however, when a giant green foot slammed down on top of the bus, squishing it and its contents into a flat mass of bus and Roche guts.. meanwhile, as the mob of bbsers ran down the streets of San Fran, they noticed another mob following them.. "What the HELL?!" asked Jose.. "I am not quite sure" randolv replied, politely (haha).. as the mob behind them closed in, they noticed it was a giant mob of pansy-ass faggots!!.. "AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" they all screamed.. "Why couldn't we'a gone to Sacremento or sumtin!?" someone yelled at Jose, who just shrugged and kept running.. suddenly one of the faggots in the following mob pulled out a...... [Randolv The Cleric] big...long, hard, fleshy, warm....guitar! And he began playing `60's peace music! Screaming in total and complete agony, Randolv fell to the ground, his ears bleeding profusely as he strove to dig into the concrete while the remaining "crooked people" came running up. Luckily he noticed his *ss was in the air before the first arrived, and quickly sprinted away. Meanwhile, using an uzi liberated from a nearby toy store, the Snow Queen mowed down the multitudes of mindless, homosexual, peace-loving, `60s-reject hippies, sending them to their own personal hells in great clouds of geysering blood. "Thanks," intoned Randolv... [Snow Queen] "You're welcome." replied Snow Queen, and affectionately slapped him on the back. "Hey everybody, let's get back to the bus and see if there's anything left of Roche Choo." And the slightly dazed mob of BBSers slowly walked back toward the bus. As they neared the scene they could still see the great Godzirra hovering over the wreakage, and they knew Roche Choo must be a goner. A reverent silence fell over the crowd as the group offered condolences for the lost member. Bo Peep, I think, said, "Uh...guys, he's looking at us." "Who is?" asked Night Eagle. "Godzirra. I mean Godzilla," said Bo Peep calmly. "I don't think we should panic. Let's cautiously creep over behind that building over there," she said pointing with her face and tilting her head ever so slightly. So they all moved toward the building as the huge beast watched. He was a curious sight as he watched, but he didn't start after them. Then from the bus came a low rumble and an almost imperceptible moaning. All of a sudden, the bus, which had been totally crushed by the monster's foot, began to make certain popping sounds. And then it started to rock back and forth, and it seemed to grow. Indeed it was returning to it's normal state. "Wow, when we had it at that garage in Dallas, they must have installed one of them new-fangled pop-up crash device thangs," said Jose. At this point the bus was back to its original size and shape, and the BBSers heard it honking; it was their old friend, Roche Choo! "Come on, everybody," cried Roche, "if you hurry we can make it out of this Hell hole!"... [Randolv the Cleric] ...and with a mighty cheer, the throng of happy BBS'ers, heedless of Godzirra, sprinted over to the bus in one large group, arriving quickly but somewhat sporadically, as many of the BBS'ers were out of shape. Randolv of course was first in, as he was the most muscular and physically perfect of the group. By this time, Godzirra had noticed Jose's slow form slogging past, and had gotten interested in the slight tidbit that might fill the great void that was his stomach. He came stomping after Jose with a grin on his face, while Jose ran screaming obscenities he would never have allowed on his board, until somone thought of something...they grabbed one of Randolv's dubs (of a death metal band, of course), crushed it into the bus tape player, and turned the thing to max. The 5' speakers (they had grown) pounded out the excellent strains and chords of Suicide Machine, which stunned the creature for about two seconds. "Let me,"Randolv said, tuning the bass all the way up, the throbbing guitars suddenly threatening to shake down the already unstable city of San Francisco. With a might crash and roar, Godzirra fell over dead, of a heart attack."Let's get out of here before he starts smelling..." called out.... [Mr. Ed #31] ...Bo...no wait that wasnt BO... He was caught by the.. "happy fellers" and had not been seen. Jose pushed Roche out of the way and fastened himself into the drivers seat. He then yelled to everyone, "BUCKLE UP! We are in for one helluvatrip!" With those words he pushed a button on the bus and with a thud clunk boom and a rinny tin tin the bus reached 300 MPH in 5 seconds flat and the BBSers where out of SAN FRANSISCO and entering NEW YORK, NEW YORK!!?? WOW what a quick trip! "Hey Jose!", Ed yelled, "What did ya do to the bus to make it go so fast??" Jose Replied,"Well man...I... [Moogie] ...poured a case of mountain dew in the gas tank. If it'll get moogie through finals, it's one hell of a fuel. So what's the first thing we should do, now that we're here?" "Let's go find a denny's! Maybe this is where the mystical denny's is." The group poured out of the bus, in search of denny's. Randolv questioned the bums, while bo peep and moogie found some cute punk rockers to interrogate... it certainly seemed to take a long time... Jose had cornered a few bag ladies, and they were exchanging hairstyling tips. Then... [Randolv The Cleric] ...all of a sudden, as happens in New York alot, three cars came roaring down the street at extreme high speeds, and this being in the rather bad area of the city (which isn't) there was no traffic and, of course, no cops. The was a pop-crack, and another, then a rapid succession. Roche dove down behind a trash can as 9mm rounds stitched across the door near him, nearly removing him of his head(s). Randolv moved the quickest, as he was trained for this sort of thing, and, grabbing a trash can lid, threw it at the cars. The lid hit the first car's hood, popping it off and smashing into the engine itself. The hood crashed into the windshield, stunning its driver, as the engine exploded wildly. The other two cars, caught in some sort of chain reaction, were annihilated in violent releases of energy, evaporating all people in them. Roche stood up and said,"Welcome to New York..." Just then... [Vireal] A guy jumped out from the alley that Randolv was in, and with neat, persision shots, drew a picture of Micky Mouse in Randolv's body with gun holes... Then... [HAHAHAH Your Dead!] [Snow Queen] ...all the BBSers stared, wide-eyed, at Randolv and began applauding at the magnificent artwork of Mickey Mouse. Snow Queen went up to the man with the gun and asked for his autograph.She told him his work should be in a museum, and she asked him to join the group; they needed someone like him and his weaponry to protect them. As she was flirting with the gunman, Moogie sneeked up behind him and hit him over the head with a hubcap that she took off the bus. As he fell to the earth, devoid of consciousness, the BBSers again applauded, and Moogie and Snow Queen bowed gracefully for their audience. In the meantime, Night Eagle walked over to Randolv to see if he was still alive or not. He looked down where the Cleric lay on the sidewalk, and as he bent down, Randolv opened his eyes and said, "I'm okay. It's a good thing I was wearing my bullet-proof vest." And as he spoke he pulled the vest from under his shirt and displayed it for all to see in perfect form the outline of Mickey. "Geez, that's too bad. Now I'll have to get another one. Oh well, this one looks kinda neat." [Roche Choo] And then, of a sudden, a large, pink, fleshy ball, about 20 feet in diameter, came bouncing down the street.. as the bbsers watched in horror, it smushed all of them into little red puddles on the ground.. except Ed, who happened to at that time to have been around the corner taking a whiz.. when he returned to where the bbsers had been, his first thought was that they had abandoned him.. "Why, of all the fu-" Ed was cut off in mid-profanity when he noticed the red splotches on the ground.. "Damn!.. cool.." Ed thought.. he then proceeded to scoop up the blotches of bbsers off the street.. as he scooped, tho, he sliced his hand open on a piece of glass.. "AGH!" Ed screamed, sitting up.. oh, damn.. another dream!.. he looked out the window of the bus and saw a sign reading "Welcome to... [Mr. Ed] ...Idaho: Land of the Spud". Ed looked at Jose and asked, "Why are we in Idaho? Did you take a wrong turn or am I just dreaming again? I wish I knew! WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHO I AM!!" Just then the bus stopped abruptly and Ed flew to the front of the bus... when he looked up he saw..... [Snow Queen] the biggest potato farm in the country. "Holy sh*t!" cried Randolv, "what happened? Why can't we get to Dallas??? Oh, well, I'm hungry; let's stop and raid the field for potatoes..." [Randolv The Cleric] ..and as the group did just this, taking the ripe potatoes and frying them on the spot, they realized they weren't alone. There was some sort of monstrosity nearby, towering above them like a giant towers above ants. ost of the BBS'rs cringed when they noticed it, all except the few most strong-willed of the group, which did what they all had trained themselves to do. Jose fell to the ground, bowing and saying "Hari Krishnas", while Ed sat down and began playing with himself... [Mr. Ed] ....playing his electonic hand held game boy by himself that is. As the Hairy Krishmases descended to earth everyone stared in awe. (AWE) Ed didnt notice because he had reached level 45 on tetris and was really kicking. The Hairyless dudes said, "We come to bring peace. Please take this flower as a gift." They then began to bang on tamborines and sing some song. [Snow Queen] "Hare Krshna, Hare Krshna Krshna, Krshna, Hare Lama Krshna Lama, Krshna Lama, Hare Lama, Hare Hare..." and Randolv got furious, "Get outta here with all that Hairy Llama sh*t!" "But please, we only want peace; please take my flower." and bbrrring went the tambourine of the man standing in front of the group of BBSers. [Roche Choo] fortunately, Randolv had brought along his anti-Hairy Fishnuts deally-bopper.. better known as an AK-47.. as Randolv began ripping bullets through the small (getting smaller by the second) group of Merry Christmasses, the rest of the bbsers began picking their noses.. (except roche choo because he had already done so).. [Mr. Ed] Ed then yelled, "Stand back I got a big one!" He then proceeded to pull out the bigest booger ball anyone had ever seen and he thumped it at one of the bald dudes in a pink robe. He hit the guy right on the head with a SPLAT. "EEEEwwwww!" Said the bald guy. He then got angry and pulled out a cattle prod and started after the group. First he poked Bo Peep....then Randolv... then Jose...then Ed... then TS... then Roche.....then Night Eagle....etc...etc.....Well the group didnt like being jolted with a cattle prod so they all jumped on the bald dude at the same time and kicked his robe wearing butt into next week. After the other bald fellows ran off the group started picking taters. [Randolv The Cleric] ...picking the taters, suddenly there was a blast of light, a pulse of warming heat, and the group felt something, a presence of some type. Looking about in total awe, wondering what was happening, the leaders stepped to the lead, where a shaft of extra-powerful light shone down into the field from the clouds overhead. And in this light, a miniature building appeared, floating, twisting slowly, and the smell of perfume filled the air as the BBS'rs realized that THIS was the Denny's! As soon as they realized it, the shaft of light was gone, and the feeling left them."We must go now!" screamed someone from the back, and they all hopped into the bus. Jose floored it, screaming off into the backwaters of the US, in search of the Mystical Denny's. They knew they were getting near when... [Snow Queen] just in front of the bus, like in "the Holy Grail", they all saw again the shaft of light and the great yellow sign reading, "Denney's". " Wow, we must be getting close," Moogie faintly whispered. But everyone heard her, because they were all silent as a graveyard at midnight. Then from the vision came this ethereal voice, barely perceptible, saying, "If you keep your minds on the mystical mask and do not falter. You will find your destination." [Dr.Deranged!] While everyone in the bus stood in awe, the bus hit something much like a speed bump. But for some reason, the speed bump went "AAHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHH!" Jose quickly halted the bus. On the ground, encircled in dust, was Dr.Deranged. He had a large tire mark across his body. The patrons of the bus got out and asked if he had seen a speed bump. After a quick explanation of the events of the "accident" they realized what had happened. The Doctor said he would sue if they did'nt take him along, so they all boarded the bus and took of for their destination once more. [Mr. Ed] "What's UP DOC??!" Ed said to the new comer, "Sorry I have always wanted to say that to someone. So why were you in the middle of the road? Did you fall alseep or something??" The Dr. replied, "I lost my contact lens and was trying to find it when your bus used me as a speed bump. So what are you guys doing way out here in nowhere??" "We arre looking for the Mystical Denny's", Jose informed, "All roads lead to it...but we are having one hell of a time finding it!" Just then the road ended and the bus fell into a big hole and everyone yelled. "AAAHhhhhhhhhh" And yelled.. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" And yelled.. "AAAAAHHHHhhh" Then they hit ground....THUMP..... and noticed they were in China. [Moogie] Apparently all that stuff about being able to dig a hole all the way to china was true, because someone had done it! "Cool," Mr. Ed said, and grabbed a shovel, "i've always wanted to dig a hole to china!" he jumped out of the bus and started to dig a hole in the ground. "Well, there are no denny's in china," jose noted, "so we really should be getting back to the USA!" they all sat there for a minute in contemplation "Well," said Snow Queen, "we can just fall back down the hole we came through" Jose nixed that idea. "I already checked, it's got a one way sign." they finally agreed to wander around until Mr. Ed was finished digging his hole, and then to return through that. "Let's go get some cheap chinese food," moogie suggested, "i'm starving!" "No," Randolv said "let's do a chinese fire drill" he was promptly bound and gagged and dragged along with the group as they set off to find chinese food. but all they seemed to see was... [Mr. Ed] McRonalds and Burger Ring. "Where are all the great Chinese restraunts I have heard so much about?" The Sorceress asked. "Maybe the US bought em all out and put up fast food chains." said one of the BBSers. The group decided food was food so they went to the McRonalds and ordered from the menu. Jose stepped up and said, "We will have 50 BigWokMacs, 30 Chicken Chow Mein Nuggets 35 orders of Noodled French Fries, a childrens happy meal, and 100+ drinks." The cashier looked at Jose with a funny look and replied, "So that fifty Bigwokmacs, thirty chicken chow mein nugget, thirty-frive noodled french fries, one chilwens happy real and 100+drinks? That will be 200 yen." The grouped looked at each other then said..."Who has any yen?" Well since no one had any Randolv pulled out his .45 and held it to the cashiers head and said, "Give us the order or you will be talking to Bruce Lee!" After a few hours the order was made and the group took off. They ended back up at the hole Ed was digging and handed him his happy meal. [Snow Queen] "Good thing y'all came along when you did; I'm really tired and hungry. But look; I'm almost all done. You can nearly see the Eiffel Tower." "THE EIFFEL TOWER???" all the BBSers exclaimed, and Snow Queen said, "Look here, Mr. Ed, if you can't dig a hole right let someone else do it who can." And she took the warped shovel he was using and handed it to Randolv. "Here, you do it, and do it quickly; we need to get to that Denney's. Who knows by the time we get there the special on magical masks might be over." "Wait a minute," chimed in Ed, "did I say Eiffel Tower?" "Yes, you did," replied Moogie, still munching on her McDonalds food. "Well what I meant to say was Reunion Tower. See, look," and he pointed down the gaping cavern. To the amazement of the BBSers they could indeed see the outline of Reunion Tower. "Great, let's go!" exclaimed Snow Queen, and they all got into the bus. Jose started her up and drove toward the hole. "Wait," said Ed, "the hole isn't finished yet." "That's okay; we should be able to break through the rest of the dirt when we get to the bottom..." [Dr.Deranged!] As they started to drive down the hole... The bus was held up by Middle-Aged Flaky Killer Chinese Wise-Men (whew) They were taking donations for the great cause of shaving the local senior citizens. Jose told them in the most polite way possible: "WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY! NOW GO AWAY!" Their leader, Hung Low, took offense to this for some reason. He yelled "ATTACK!" Then when the bus was completely surrounded, they reached behind their backs and pulled out their chess boards and challenged us to a duel. The situation was desprate.. So everyone took the "secret sauce" packets from the McRonalds bags and threw them at Hung Low and his men. It was not a pretty sight. Jose put the pedal to the floor to avoid over-radiating the bus with the secret sauce. All was clear, the proceeded to the hole and... [Randolv The Cleric] ...fell down. With a gut-wrenching, twisting, sickening falling sensation, they were halfway through the earth...which was when Physics painfully took hold, wipping them back toward where the core was suppose to be...and then back again...and then back AGAIN! This yo-yo effect went back and forth for several minutes before Jose remembered the rocket packs that had been strapped to the bus top... [Wolf] rockets! (whoooosh) And emerged from the hole not too far from downtown Dallas. They all climbed out of the Bus and someone noticed that they had run over something! I't looked like a dead WOLF! "Oh no! what should we do now?........" [Dr.Deranged!] ...Fry im' up. Wolves are good eatin'! ...Dr.Deranged inputs... [Randolv The Cleric] But Snow Queen quickly vetoed this, as she had a thing for wolves that were crushed and bleeding and mangled and had bones sticking from their heads. She took the poor creature carefully in her hands, taking it into the bus, where Randolv quickly splinted the sucker, all the time asking if he could dissect the sucker if it "croaked". Unfortuanetly, it didn't, so they headed back into Dallas.... [Snow Queen] and apparently wolves are also quick to heal, because halfway down the road it came back to health. It began growling and snarling. It advanced toward Snow Queen, but she managed to get away just in time for it to sink its teeth into the seat. It ripped bits of nogahyde and pulled stuffing out, and when it realized it had no human in its teeth it seemed to get even more angry - growling, slathering saliva dripping from its jaw... [Daneel Plynn] A dark, unearthly gutteral growl issued from the wolf's throat.. It's ice cold blue eyes pierced thru the BBSers very souls...its sinister snarl exposed rows of teeth like daggers...blood and saliva glistened.. The BBSers wanted desparatley to back away, To get away, to put some distance between them and this raging beast...when it suddenly stood before then and offered a paw...and asked... [Roche Choo] Ed jerked awake with a start.. "SHIT! not again!".. Jose said.. "Damnit, Ed..stop falling asleep! We'll get nowhere if you keep waking up and sending us back to an earlier part of the story!".. "Sorry," Ed said.. and passed out drunk.. "So where are we?" Joser asked.. nobody answered.. [dum-dum-dum-dum.. louud ominous drums in background.. suspense music, you know] [Randolv The Cleric] ...and then they heard some chanting in the background...a chanting not unlike that in the beginning of "Frayed Ends of Sanity", or so Randolv noticed. "OH wee, oh...ohhhh-oh!" This repeated several times, getting louder each time as whoever they were approached the now-stationary bus, where it sat on some sort of rock outcrop. "How the f*ck did we get here?" asked Randolv, somewhat contritely, as he had just killed someone by mistake. The entire group of BBSers piled out from the bus, which squeaked some as it balanced itself on the rocks. "OH wee, oh...ohhhhhh-oh!" [Randolv The Cleric] ....get the bus and turn it around! The minions looked with total terror in their eyes as the bus revved up and speeded in their general directions, with some strange people screaming "GO! GO! GO!" in it. With a mighty "THUD! SQUISH!", the bus tore through their assembled ranks, rending arms and legs from their twisted, tortured bodies. Unfortuanetly, Jose (or was it Ed?) couldn't stop the bus quick enough, as so the 20 ton bus tore over poor Roche's back, crushing him further... [Snow Queen] "I think we should stop and pick him up," said Snow Queen, so Ed (or was it Jose) turned around the bus. But by the time he could get to the spot where the crushed human-insect had lain he was gone. "Oh, geez," said Randolv the Cleric, "where'd he go now?" And looking around he spotted Roche in the parking lot of the police station just across the street. "Hey, there he is," said Snow Queen. "Let's go over there to get him." So the driver (?) of the bus had to go up to the nearest intersection and make a U-turn in order to get to the police station, and as they pulled into the parking lot they noticed again the nonexistence of their bus-mate. Then not noticing the cop in the parking lot filling up his gas tank Randolv the Cleric stuck his... [Mr. Ed] ..stuck his... hand up the cops....shirt. Jose (NOT ED) did not want to stop now so he THA (Tore His Ass) out of the parking lot and onto the street to get as far away as possible. As they were on the run they heard something on the top of the bus moving around. So Jose wanting to see what it was slammed on the brakes. 100+ BBSers and Roche (who was on the top of the bus) flew forward. Roche laying on the ground in tremendos pain by now said.... [Jose Cuervo] HELP!!!! I've fallen and I can't get up!!!! [Wolf] Right that's it for him! Bap slam smash crunch splat slap slap slug oof wump snap pow whap rip scrunch boing thump!!!!!!!!!!!.......... [Bob The Tapeworm] "To the guillutine(?) with him!", shouted the BBSers, carrying off Roche's bloodied corpse. They placed him in the.. hold-thingy. To cries of "Who here knows how to work this baby?", Roche knew that he was breathing his last..... [Randolv The Cleric] ...tequila in through his nose! The worm got stuck halfway up, and so the guillotine had to be aborted... replaced instead by a one-man firing squad..RANDOLV! Randolv quickly loaded and cocked the weapon, aiming its rather long neck toward where Roche lay quivering/cowering in a puddle of his own vomit. And then... [Bo Peep] ...Bo Peep appeared out of nowhere to annoy Randlove about his sex life... or lack there of. Randlove was soooooo annoyed that he... [Bob The Tapeworm] ...shot the gullotine instead! Dismayed, Jose tried to comfort Randolv by saying "Would it help if I just stood here and struck a pose?" Suddenly, and without notice, strange polka music starts to vibrate from the streets. Ignoring Randolv's cries of "Damn! Guess I'm not the only ninja here!", the bbsers began to relized one thing: Bo Peep was trying to tell them something! "Didn't you guys see that 'Bridge of Death' sign a ways back?" [Roche Choo] [hmm.. totally out of the story here.. umm.. you guys have really twisted this story.. hehe.. jeez.. i can't even think of anything to say!] "Of course!" gurgled Roche through the blood caught in his throat.. "That's what i was gonna point out to yall when you insisted on executing me!".. he promptly died.. see.. at this prompt right here.. C:\> "F*ckin k-rad!" said Randolv in his teeny-bopper wanna-be-a-cool- kid voice (hehe).. and he suddenly grabbed the steering wheel from Jose, piled all the bbsers into the bus, and sped off to the Bridge of Death.. When they reached the bridge, a short, ugly man said ".".. umm.. whatever the guy says in The Holy Grail before he asks the questions.. then he said "What is your name?".. randolv screamed "Get out of the way, dickhead!".. "Ok, Mr. Dickhead" said the ugly runt.."What is your quest?".. "The savage mutilation of the human race!" screamed Randolv, to the dismay of the rest of the bbsers.. the bus was cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril (which is what the Bridge of Death crossed over) and all the bbsers went "AAAAAaaaaaaahhh!".. and that's when... [Mr. Ed] ...Roche woke up (this time) and noticed he was still alive. "DAMN" he said as he looked around at the BBSers. "Where are we at this time" He asked. "We are at Jose's house painting the bus so we can go on the trip to look for the Mystical Denny's." Ed replied. "SO get your metamorphisized ass up and help out!", Bo Peep yelled. The group started painting and fixing the bus up to go on the journey they had been planning on for some time now. :) [Randolv The Cleric] The Bus was finally fixed up, and while it putted down the street, swerving abit, Randolv commented somewhat inanely,"De Ja vu?" They continued down the street aways, moving onto yet another large street and into traffic...unfortuanetly, they didn't see the 98 wheeler truck tearing down the road at 95mph....all 30tons of truck crashed into the side of the bus, promptly throwing it on its side and rolling over it. Randolv screamed in glee as his arm was rended from his body, and he watched with fascination as BBS'er after BBS'er was torn asunder, all bleeding profusely, screaming, holding masses of flesh that had been arms or legs or other body appendages, all screaming at the top of their lungs, excluding Randolv, who was laughing maniacly...and then.... [Thunderbird] ...all the poor BBSers were torn 'part, 'cept for the T-bird sittin' on the roof of the bus, and he went for help, and then the help came, then... [Mr. Ed] ...Randolv turned off the portable TV and looked out the window and saw that Jose had just started the bus up and they were leaving the house going to the open highway. On the way they could not decide what music to listen to so they decided to listen to parts of every kind of music. (we all know how that goes) :) Then Jose took the highway to go towards Fort Worth (YEEE HAW) because this is were they heard the Mystical Denny's might be. As they passed through Irving Ed yelled, "That's were I live!!!!" And everyone else yelled back, "Wanna quarter so you can call someone who cares?!" Ed then ignored everyone and snuggled up with TS, the bestest female in all the world..in all the GALAXY...in all the UNIVERSE!!!! After a few miles of driving through Irving...... [Moogie] They began to realize that none of the roads were straight. In fact they all curved around and around and even seemed to backtrack... when they reached the crowded wal-mart, they realized that something was wrong... it all seemed so surreal. But as they sat there wondering, moogie explained that that's how irving really was... "But that's why we might find the mystical denny's here," she said, "It's all so strange." they were moving along fine until someone noticed Randolv hanging out the back of the bus... [Snow Queen] It seemed he was having a great time swinging freely in the breeze, and every once in a while he would dip one foot down to scrape the road as the bus traveled down Irving Blvd. He would lift the draped foot then lower the other one. It was obvious he was quickly wearing away his shoes. Snow Queen was getting worried about him and said, "C'mon, Cleric, you're gonna get hurt. Your shoes might fall off or get burned off by the friction." "That's Ok," replied Randolv, "Look, Snowy, one hand!!!...One finger!!!" "Stop that, Cleric! If you fell off of whom else would we have to make fun? Look at your shoes; there's hardly anything left..." [Mr. Ed] Randolv then replied, "That is ok! I can get more at the DAV!!" Then the bus hit a big dip (no not Dan Quayle) and made Randolv lose his grip and he yelled as he started drifting away. "Heeeeellllllppppppp!" Ed..hearing the cry for help reached into his coat a pulled out a grappling hook. "Boy it sure is a good think I packed this in there." He then tied the rope to a seat and threw it to Randolv. As Rondolv grabed the rope Ed yelled, "Come on gang help me pull him in!" Everyone then proceeded....... [Randolv The Cleric] ...laugh strangely as Randolv fluttered in the breeze, like a kite torn apart by the raging winds of a hurricance and left flipping about in the wind, tied to the tree that stopped its running flight for freedom from the cruel gravity which gripped everyone and forced them to the ground, to die eventually and be sucked into oblivion by the forces of nature.... [Snow Queen] had the BBSers not reeled him in like a fish. "Whew, that was a close one. It would seem we've been having a lot of close ones lately," said Snow Queen. "Hey, there's Plymouth Park Shopping Center! They have a Payless Shoe Store in there; we could get Randolv some new shoes! It's almost as good as DAV," said TS. So Jose... [Mr. Ed] ...stopped at the payless and let Randolv out... a few minutes later he came back with a pair of Nike "AIRS" with built in rockets! "WOW.. neato shoes! I wish I had some to put in my coat.", Ed said excitedly. The group then continued down 183 towards Arlington....in the distance they saw a La Quinta sign and beside it was...... [Thunderbird] Anyways, there was a Denny's beside it, with a sign that said: 'Everybody but Alley Closed BBSers allowed in'. So then they went farther down the road, and then found... [Randolv The Cleric] ...the mangled, dead, stinking, rotting, infested body of a crushed cat, obviously hit by a twenty ton truck...or maybe a bus of 100+ BBS'rs. Randolv pointed this out and began laughing maniacly (again) as Ed walked over (the bus had stopped) and started pouring salt on the slugs that were devouring the creature. Then... [Snow Queen] Snow Queen said, "Hey, Ed, not so fast." And she commenced to pick up slug after slug, and in succession tilted back her head and let those salty little slugs slide right down her throat. "Eeeeewwwwww," said all the BBSers. "Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it," said Randolv the Cleric, and he rushed over, practically knocking Snow Queen over to get at the pile of slimey creatures... [Randolv The Cleric] [Bo Peep] ...was the drool noise Randolv made when he saw the slugs. To him, slugs were the most beautiful of all! "Take me now!!!!!!!" Randolv screamed as he grabed a slug and... [Thunderbird] And he smeared the little slug all over his body, letting the slime drip down, and then he put one on the floor of the bus, and started rolling around on it, and then.... [Mr. Ed] ...ED said aloud, "Hey gang lets go back to that Denny's and try to get in. We need to end this story before it gets to be a novel." So Ed rounded the gang up and they headed for the Denny's they had passed. When they got there the lady at the door saw them and quickly locked the door and then said, "So solly! We are crosed! Come back sum udder time!" The group of 100+ BBSers were not going to let this lady stop them from seeing the Mysticle Denny's. This hethan must be destroyed! So Ed reached in his coat and got.......... [Bo Peep] ... A huge bottle of whipped cream! Ed then proceeded to spray the whipped cream all over the heathen! She screamed as Randolv squeeled in utter delight! "Whipped cream! Ummmmmmmm... my favorite!" he screamed. Randolv then grabbed the bottle of whipped cream and began to spray it all over Bo Peep's toes! Bo Peep screamed in horror and ran away into the night. The 100+ bbsers didn't know what to do! Randolv was sitting there salivating over the whiped cream, the heathen covered in the stuff, and the bright yellow Denny's sign hovering in the air above... [Snow Queen] ...the bright yellow Dennys sign that hovered in the air above. Then all of a sudden the sky began to turn dark and a strange wind started to blow. The sun was blotted from the sky, and terror was brooding in the minds of the BBSers. Like a movie screen the Denney's sign blackened then all the BBSers heard a mystical voice whispering to them, "Go the distance." and some weird baseball figures prompted over the great sign... [Randolv The Cleric] ....and so Randolv (still salivating), reached into his own pocket and whipped a long.....hard.....BAT out, making his way to the baseball players. "Hullo," said one dully, holding his own bat loosely. "Hello,"replied the Cleric, moving closer. "You like pain?" And he then swung the bat in a parabolic arc, crashing it into the baseball player's helmet-less head, sending him sprawling with blood exploding in all directions. Bone chips arced through the air as brains poured onto the hard concrete. Darryl Strawberry (or whatever) twitched erratically on the ground, like that bird Randolv had nailed in the head with a pellet gun so long ago.... [Mr. Ed] Then the group made their way into the Denny's. When they entered they noticed this was no ordinary place. The lights were dim and they could here the deep fat fryer working overtime. Then they heard a (DING) it was the 10 minute timer. Ed looked in awe. (AWE) And said aloud, "Hello is anyone here?" From out of nowhere entered a man dressed in all black. In a deep voice he said, "Hello my name is Darkside. I am the High-Waiter of Denny's. Welcome." Ed turned to the group and said, "See we found it. We are here. So lets all praise Denny's" As the group started praying and chanting they heard a rumbling from outside. Then people started screaming and cars crashed. "What is that noise?!" asked Jose. "It is Denny's punishing all of those who did not believe in it.", replied Darkside. [Randolv The Cleric] At that moment, Randolv the Cleric (who was mysteriously missing from the group when they entered) came careening in through the main window, spraying shattered glass about the interior of the room, his mangled, bloody body collapsing atop the counter, one arm dangling over the edge, blood slowly dripping onto the tile floor. With one last smile, he turned his head slowly toward the BBS'ers. "It was fun while it lasted," he said weekly before going into spasmodic choking fits, blood bubbling from his mouth, running down his face and onto the counter-top. And then his eyes closed for the last time, and his breath left him like the rustling of leaves as they fall from the trees in September, dead. [Roche Choo] "Yay!! Yayyyy!" >WHISTLE!< "Wooo!".. various sounds of delight emitted from the crowd at this latest event.. "Thank God Almighty!".. etc.. "Haha.. just jokin" Randolv said as he got up.. "Just wanted to see what yall would do.." But then Slice of Australia came up and proceeded to beat Randolv to a bloody pulp and then killed him with Randolv's own knife... [hahahahah!].. The party resumed.. [Snow Queen] Then Randolv got up again and pulled the fakey knife from his midsection. "See? Still a prank! Did I scare ya?" "No!" cried all the BBSers. Then Ed saw it. The Mask. It was hanging on the wall of the Denney's like an ordinary velvet painting of a seascape with a lighthouse in the background. Ed started toward it, hand outstretched, when like in a bad dream he could advance no further. He might as well have been on a treadmill. The more he walked toward it the further away he got. "I just don't understand it," said Snow Queen. "We come so far. There must be something we're lacking. It couldn't be the faith. We all believe in Denney's don't we?..." [Bo Peep] "Of course!" yelled the 100+ bbsers! The mask glared at us with an evil sneer. All of a sudden, Bo Peep ran inside, still covered in whipped cream, and yelled, "It's all a fake!!! This Denny's is a lie! Ed! Get away from there! The mask is evil!!! Don't touch it! Ed..... PLEASE!" The Sorceress yanked Ed away from the evil mask as it started to laugh. "Muhahahahahahaha!" was the sound that emitted from deep within the mask... This was really a Jojo's meant to look like a Denny's! "Let's get outta here............!" screamed Jose. All 100+ bbsers made a mad dash towards the bus and headed the other direction until... [Mr. Ed] ....until.......that direction ended. Then they looked for more direction.. and found them. They read "First you must cut up the vegetables into tiny pieces. Then you must spread them evenly" Well it was not the direction they were looking for so the looked some more. Then they saw it... a light glowing in the North. They all stood in awe (AWE) and proceeded to go toward the light. (Well I guess we didnt finish it after all! Maybe we can turn this into a Monty Python movie. :) ) [Roche Choo] and they heard "BBSers... BBSers" quietly being said in the distance by a magical voice.. [much like in The Holy Grail, Ed, when "Arthur" was being called out in the background].. "Ni!" said Jose.. "No, no!" screamed the rest of the BBSers at Jose.. As the bus sped to the north, they suddenly reached the north pole.. when this happened, they got stuck to a giant column sticking up out of the ground that said on it: "Magnetic North Pole".. "Now what do we do?.. The bus is STUCK!"... [Mr. Ed] Ed and his brilliant mind solved the puzzle quickly. "We just pull this plug right here. You see the electrical wire that is wraped around that pole is making a strong magnetic force and if you pull the plug there will be no more juice." Ed then proceeded to pull the plug. After a few minutes of struggling everyone heard a "PLOP" as the plug popped out. Then everyone felt a rumbbling and the ground began to shake. Then they saw something coming up out of the snow and ice. It was.... a Denny's sign! "This *MUST* be the right one! How else could it of just floated up out of the ice and snow?? *I* know this is the one because this story is getting old and needs to end soon." The group then entered the building and were rejoiced when they saw.... [Snow Queen] the ghosts of Elvis and Freddie Mercury on this makeshift stage at the front of the building. They were singing a duet of "I Got You, Babe." It was really gruesome... [Daneel Plynn] [Freddie Mercury??? Geez...hehe...this is getting funny..] [Mr. Ed] ...but everyone loved it for some reason. Then Elvis spoke out unto all of thee weary travellers. "Thank ya vury much. Now me and Freddie are gonna sing a song we both love. It is called Blue Suede with pink polka dots Shoes. If ya want ya can go into the Denny's and get sumthing to eat. They have great donuts." (music starts) "It's a one fer the muney...two fer the show....three to get rabies.. and four to bite the head off of a small poodle and....oh sorry ladies and gentlemen I got curried away...." (he then continued singing) Ed ran into the Denny's with the look of happiness in his eyes. YES he and his many friends had finally found the *RIGHT* Denny's this time. As he ran in he yelled "PRAISE DENNY'S" and from out of the kitchen walked............. [Randolv The Cleric] ...the Cleric, dazed, still bleeding profusely, but with a look of happiness on his face."Look what I got,"he said happily, and at this point Ed realized the Cleric was dragging the tortured, mutilated body of Saddam Hussein. "I did it," said Randolv proudly, showing Ed the wickedly pointed (and now bloody) knife he carried with him. At this point... [Mr. Ed] ...ED congratulated the Cleric, "Good job Randy! You found someone as crazy as you but weaker!! I am proud of you! Now go skin him!" Ed then patted the Cleric on the back and walked toward the kitchen. As he approached the entrance to the kitchen a bright light emitted from within. "OH NO NOT AGAIN! IF lights do not quit shining our eyes we will all go blind!", Roche squealed. :) Ed pulled out 100+ pairs of shades (luckily he just happened to be carrying them) and handed them to everyone. "Wear these from now on...they should help.", Ed encouraged. He then proceeded to go into the kitchen with the rest of the gang. [Roche Choo] They all ordered nappy cinnamon rolls, etc.. and lived happily ever after.. that is, until a couple days later when they all felt compelled to rejoin each other in a quest to find a McDonalds with good food!.. NOT!!!.. hahaha.. woo..woo.. ok THe eND! yay!.. i ended the neverending story!. yay!.. hehe