HOME	INTRO	SAMPLER	REVIEWS	VIEWER	TROPHY	FEEDBACK

[ Previous | Index | Next ]

Denny's #6932 Benson, Arizona 20 January 2000 6:45pm MST 825 North Ocotillo Road (520) 586-6618

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Zebulon ("Zeb")
• What we ate: P7A77 - Smothered Cheese Fries, Coke; Amie - Moons Over My Hammy, Hashbrowns, Coke; Jon - Lumberjack Slam (eggs over easy), Hashbrowns, Coke
• The group of us were going up to the Denver area on some family business, which seemed a perfect time to get in some Denny's entries. So we all loaded up in Der Saturn and headed off. Well, actually, first I checked MapQuest to get an idea of the Denny's on the way, then we loaded up. While MapQuest sure is handy, it sort of takes the fun out of driving along and just stopping when you see Denny's. But on the other hand, we use the Denny's Travel Guide, which isn't too much different. Plus, it's nice to have an idea of what lies ahead so you can pace yourself. Nothing worse than saying "I'll eat at the next one" and then having to wait three hours.
• Anyway, back to piling into Der Saturn. We have a coupe, not a sedan. Amie is 5'11. I'm 6'2. Jon is 6'5. Basically, this meant that we'd all have the pleasure of causing severe back problems to ourselves as we lay across what pass as two back "seats" for one-third of the trip. We suffer for our art.
• A few things made this trip special. First, it had been a while since a serious Project:Denny's trip. Second, there was going to be a lunar eclipse. And third, we had a video camera. That's right, Project:Denny's now has motion. Now you can hear what I sound like, and experience first-hand how truly boring most of the visits are. There are seven parts to the series, which are broken up into bite-size quicktime video chunks (ranging from two to five megs or so). However, after all the entries there is an option of viewing a RealVideo version (for the bandwidth challenged), or a higher-resolution straight-through video (for those who are blessed). If you're reading this entry either through the alphabetical or numerical index, get your butt over to the chronological listing so that you can view them all in some sort of logical order. That's how I prefer you read these damn things anyway.
• This was as good as start as one can expect for an all-night trip. Everyone was in pretty good spirits still, and we had Zeb as our waiter. He said his full name was Zebulon, and that he was named after the grandfather from "The Waltons", which is the only television show his mother was allowed to watch while she was growing up. Welcome to America's great southwest, ladies and gentlemen. Which brings up a joke Jon shared with us while we ate: Why are cowgirls bowlegged? Because cowboys never take their hats off when they eat. Badum-bum. Jon also enlightened us with the phrase "shut your cockholster", so that should give you an idea of the level of conversation we were having.
• It was Zeb's fourth day on the job. We seem to get a lot of new employees waiting on us. Can you say "high turnover rate"? We didn't know this at first, but he asked Amie how she wanted her eggs cooked on the Moons. Uh... there's only one option, Zeb. He was good natured, though, and said he was "just making sure". Better than many people who can't even get what you order right. And as far as waiters go, Zeb was pretty darn good. Prompt, friendly, personable, and he gave us free stuff. Three cheers for Zeb. I just like saying Zeb. Zeb, Zeb, Zeb.
• Moving on, the cook wasn't as concerned with attention to detail as Zeb was. Jon's toast was soggy, Amie's ham was overcooked, and my cheese fries looked like they had been sitting out for half an hour. If only that was the worst thing about them. They caused some of the foulest smelling flatulence I've ever had come out of my body. On top of that, it was my shift to sit in the back, so while in the car I was angled in such a way to have my ass sticking up right between the two front seats. At least it caused Amie to get us to the next Denny's more quickly.
• WAY: a customer from the night before (there was also a Willie Nelson look-alike)
• Free Stuff: Dessert Menu
• Video: Mile High Club Part I (~2.4MB)

Denny's #7152 Lordsburg, New Mexico 20 January 2000 8:30pm MST 1028 West Motel Drive (505) 542-3864

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Rubin
• What we ate: nothing
• Well, why go through talking about this entry, since I have pretty much the whole thing on video? This is typical of a visit when we don't sit down and eat. For those who aren't going to view the video, we pretty much ran in, yelled at them about the lunar eclipse, got the free stuff, got video of the eclipse, and went away.
• Though something not included in the video is when we stopped for gas. While waiting in line to pay, I noticed a display of discounted videos. I just couldn't resist picking up "Welcome to Spring Break", based primarily on the back cover description. It reads better if you do it in that "movie preview guy" type of voice. Or if you happen to know one of the two people who do the voice-overs for all the trailers, get him to read it for you.
• "Spring break is usually the time for an old college tradition: hitting the beach for a little sun, surf, suds, and wet T-shirt contests ... a nonstop party of the wildest kind. But, this year, there's a difference. This year, one of the local bikers, Ed Diablo, has just been given "the chair." His last words were, "I swear I'll come back for revenge," which could explain the mounting body count of grisly murders being piled up by a terrifying biker with a shocking way of killing his victims -- more shocking even than the electric chair. His targets are pretty girls, Peeping Toms, anybody who gets in the way. Local authorities, like the sadistic police chief, the town's alcoholic doctor, and a sinister minister, keep the killings under wraps while the rest of the town is removing theirs. It's a spine-tingling, thrill-a-minute adventure as Gail, a victim's sister, and football star Skip Banacheck single-mindedly run down the mysterious biker from hell, with the rowdy madness and maximum exposure of spring break happening all around them."
• I mean, really, how can you turn down that? Not only does it pretty much tell you every plot point and work in at every opportunity the fact that there will be plenty of nakedness, but the protagonists single-mindedly, not single-handedly, track down the killer. Best $4.99 I ever spent.
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: menus
• Video: Mile High Club Part II (~6.4MB)
• [

Denny's #6899 Deming, New Mexico 20 January 2000 9:39pm MST 120 North Platinum (505) 546-2258

• Attendees: P7A77
• Wait-person(s): Ana
• What we ate: nothing
• This visit sucked. Couldn't get anything out of them, and it was even an ordeal to get the damn photo.
• Our next stop was going to be Las Cruces, but we took the wrong road through town and missed it. So the video for this entry takes place about three hours later in a little town the locals call "TOC".
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: nothing
• Video: Mile High Club Part III (~1.4MB)

Denny's #6981 Socorro, New Mexico 21 January 2000 12:45am MST 913 California St. NW, I-25 exit 150 (505) 835-2504

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Nicolas
• What we ate: P7A77 - Veggie Cheese Omelette, Coffee, Water; Amie - Bagel & Cream Cheese, Hashbrowns, Water; Jon - All-American Slam, Orange Juice, Water
• On our way north there was border patrol stop. We're talking a couple hundred miles into the state. Which seems sort of silly. I mean, once you get over the border, wouldn't you take side roads if you knew there was a big ol' honkin' stop on the freeway? Another odd thing about New Mexico is that at most exits they have big signs saying how many "modern" facilities they have at this exit. I can understand having to say that you have modern gas stations and restrooms, but wouldn't it just be good enough to have a little sign that says as much, and not these huge billboard-size things that list exactly how many? And one more thing: they have signs that say "Gusty Winds May Exist". How very Zen.
• I saw that across the parking lot from the Denny's was a store that seemed to sell nothing but beef jerky. Mmm. I love beef jerky. What right-thinking person doesn't? Fortunately for Amie and Jon (re: the cheese fries incident), it was closed.
• We also stopped for gas in Socorro. No video this time, but they had little television monitors at the pumps. So I got to watch Mama's Family as I fueled up. Is this sort of thing really necessary in our society?
• This Denny's had a very strong sulphur smell. We learned that they had a busted pipe that wouldn't be fixed for quite some time. Bleh.
• Nicolas was fun. He was from France. And rather than ask all the specifics about if we wanted fries or hashbrowns or how we wanted the eggs and whatnot, he just asked if we wanted it like it was on the menu. We commented that if it looks like that, they deserve an extra tip, since usually not even the french fries look like they do on the menu.
• A while later we heard the waiter and cook bickering about the All-American Slam. Something about the eggs. We hoped the cook wasn't going to spit in the eggs or something, and also doubted it would look anything like the menu now. Amie also started drinking Jon's orange juice. Her reason was that she meant to order some of her own and she thought that she did and it was hers. We were all a bit tired by this point.
• We shouldn't have doubted the cook. The food arrived quickly and looked, dare I say it, perfect. The photo doesn't do it justice, but the Veggie Cheese Omelette couldn't have looked any better. Just the right balance of everything, overflowing enough to look full and appetizing, but not too much to be messy. Damn tasty, too. Hashbrowns cooked to perfection. I don't know who the cook was, but he should get some sort of recognition.
• When it came time to get the free stuff, I explained to Nicolas what it was all about, and he went on a quest to find stuff. He came back with a handful of crayons and asked if we had any of those. We said yes, we did, but that was okay. Then he pulled out of his pocket a coffee table display. And a name tag. And a kid's menu magazine. And ZOOBS! Bless your heart, Nicolas! On top of that, Nicolas was our best candidate for a WAY, tho' he denied it.
• So make sure you stop by this Denny's late at night, for you just might find Nicolas and the cook. You won't be disappointed.
• WAY: Nicolas
• Free Stuff: crayons, coffee table display, name tag, kid's magazine, ZOOBS
• Video: Mile High Club Part IV (~1.7MB)

Denny's #6213 Santa Fe, New Mexico 21 January 2000 3:30am MST 3004 Cerrillos Rd. at Hwy. 85, I-25 N (505) 471-2152

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie
• Wait-person(s): undetermined
• What we ate: P7A77 - Coke; Amie - Coke
• Jon was sleeping in the car, so he doesn't get credit for this one. This place sure was crowded, especially considering the late hour. Tho' in Tucson the bars close at 1am, so they could have a more realistic closing time in Santa Fe. It was a good mix of people... young punks crowded into booths, old-timers at the counter... there was no smoking, however, which made the mix and density a bit odd. Maybe no place else was open.
• According to Amie, the women's restroom was beyond vile. Toilet paper on the floor, sticky toilet seats, and vomit in the stalls. Thankfully, the men's restroom was better by comparison.
• I was a bit miffed because I missed all four Denny's in Albuquerque. I even made a special point to put have Weird Al's magnum opus of the same name playing on the CD player. Damnit. I vowed to get at least one on the way back.
• WAY: undetermined
• Free Stuff: a napkin drawing of someone sitting a few seats down that had been left at the counter

Denny's #1433 Pueblo, Colorado 21 January 2000 7:55am MST 3600 North Freeway, Hwy. 50 & I-25, near Pueblo Mall (719) 546-1407

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Curt
• What we ate: nothing
• This was an older style restaurant on the outside, but it had some of the newer retro-diner stuff on the inside. A very confusing place. They weren't too busy for the morning, but it's been forever and a day since I've been at Denny's at 8am on a weekday, so I don't know if it's because the daily grind customers had already left, or if the retiree crowd hadn't arrived yet. Regardless, rather than risk prompt and courteous service, we decided to wait and eat in Colorado Springs.
• Curt (whose real name is Andrea) told us the manager said we couldn't have anything for free, so she looked the other way while we took a juice display. Yay, Curt!
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: juice table display

Denny's #0251 Colorado Springs, Colorado 21 January 2000 8:30am MST 315 W. Bijou St. at I-25 (719) 634-4955

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Mary Jo
• What we ate: P7A77 - Hashbrowns, Biscuits & Gravy, Coffee; Amie - Bagel & Cream Cheese, Water; Jon - Water
• Jon was being a big grumpy poo-poo head by this point. Okay, sure, he was stuck in the back of the car, but he was also sleeping most of the time, and Amie and I drove the whole way (instead of the planned three shift pattern). Of course, part of the reason I volunteered to drive the rest of the way was because I knew Jon wasn't going to be too keen to pull over every five minutes at Denny's. Plus, it meant that I got to pick the music.
• This is actually the second Denny's off I-25 headed north through Colorado Springs. None of them give any warning, though, so we missed the first one. But it, like Albuquerque and Las Cruces before it, would be visited on the return trip.
• Some random notes: The waitress was very eager about the skillets and even made smacking noises as she tried to sell them to us. Amie blew cigarette smoke in my face, my reaction to which seemed to amuse the person sitting across the aisle from us. When we asked for something for free, they told us to go to 7-11 (I'm still not sure why).
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: nothing

Denny's #1787 Colorado Springs, Colorado 23 January 2000 9:27am MST 8125 N. Academy Blvd. (719) 593-8853

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Tony
• What we ate: P7A77 - Sausage Skillet, Sourdough Toast, Coke; Amie - Grand Slam (no meat), Hashbrowns, Coke; Jon - Lumberjack Slam (eggs over easy), Sourdough Toast, Orange Juice
• Since Jon wouldn't stop being grumpy, we saved the rest of Colorado Springs for the trip home. And yes, I know that the title of this trip is a play on Denver's nickname, and I know that there are plenty of Denny's in Denver, Englewood, Aurora, and the rest of the suburbs, but we were going to a southern suburb, we were on a tight schedule, and we were there for family-related events, so there wasn't any time to make any special trips around the general area. We went to every Denny's we saw, which should be enough. If it isn't, make your own damn web page already. So no emails complaining that I didn't go to such and such Denny's in Denver!
• Ahem. On our way to this Denny's we noticed that our car was really starting to smell bad. A burning sort of smell. I had been none too kind to the clutch during some of my shift a couple of days previous, and I feared that we'd be stuck getting expensive repairs for a few days. When we stopped, we opened the hood and smoke started pouring out. Thankfully, it was just the battery. For some odd reason it decided to end its time here on earth and burn a hole in itself, spitting acid everywhere. Annoying and stinky and corrosive, yes, but expensive, no. Whew.
• But back to Denny's, we had one waiter, who was terribly perky and zesty and festive and even had a few pieces of "flair" on his shirt. He tried to be conversational, but Jon just glared at him. He said, "you're in a bad mood, huh?" Jon said, "YES." So Tony became our waiter.
• We were treated to more of Jon's humor during this meal. Must be the Lumberjack Slams. The story goes that a freshly-married couple was getting ready for the big night, but the virgin bride was nervous. She had been told it would be painful her first time, and was also anxious that she wouldn't know what to do and would be a bad lover. Her husband was understanding, and told her that if it made her feel any better, he was hung like a baby. The time came for the deed, and the husband came out of the bathroom naked and ready to go. The woman fainted. When she came to, she said, "I thought you said you were hung like a baby?" "I am," he replied. "6 pounds, 4 ounces, and 18 inches long."
• What would we do without Jon.
• WAY: undetermined
• Free Stuff: nothing
• Video: Mile High Club Part V (~2.6MB)

Denny's #6494 Colorado Springs, Colorado 23 January 2000 11:07am MST 4375 Sinton Road (719) 598-5769

• Attendees: P7A77
• Wait-person(s): Tracy (manager)
• What we ate: nothing
• This was a teeny tiny Denny's. One bonus is that it's near a street called "Garden of the Gods". More streets and cities should be given names of this kind. It pleases me to no end to know that there's a King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. I thought I might buy a few packets of ZOOBS to play with on the long drive back home, but figured I'd just get 'em at the next Denny's (which was the last in Colorado Springs.. or, rather "Col Spgs" as the signs liked to say).
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: menu

Denny's #1222 Colorado Springs, Colorado 23 January 2000 11:20am MST 1450 Harrison Rd. at I-25 & Circle (719) 576-3394

• Attendees: P7A77
• Wait-person(s): undetermined
• What we ate: nothing
• So we missed this Denny's on the way up, and we missed it on the way down. I was determined. Not only to visit this Denny's but to get some damn ZOOBS. The next exit was a couple of miles down the road, at which point I turned around and went to this Denny's. It was hella crowded inside. People lined up waiting to be seated, people lined up waiting to pay, and not enough employees to go around. I figured I wouldn't bother them with the details of the project and would just ask about ZOOBS. I was a bit nervous, since I saw that they had no ZOOB display, but the hostess said that yes, they do have ZOOBS, and asked the manager where they were.
• They were out.
• WAY: undetermined
• Free Stuff: nothing

Denny's #6212 Albuquerque, New Mexico 23 January 2000 4:15pm MST 2400 San Mateo Blvd. NE, I-40 exit 161 (505) 884-6574

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Chad
• What we ate: P7A77 - Classic Double-Decker Burger, Fries, Coke; Amie - Mozzarella Sicks, Gardenburger, Coke; Jon - Garlic Mushroom Burger (no pickles, no tomatoes), Fries, Coke
• Finally, the promised land. Tho' it wasn't my shift to drive, so Weird Al wasn't playing. We noticed that Albuquerque looks a whole heck of a lot like Tucson. My burger was a Bodacious Burger! It was Preposterously Prodigious! It was Outrageously Delicious! But to me, it just looked like a Big Boy Rip-Off! Amie's Gardenburger didn't come with cucumbers. Why do they lie about cucumbers? It always says cucumbers on the menu, yet we have yet to have them appear on the sandwich.
• They had some weird Burma-Shave style signs in there, which read "Time to Relax / Time for a Treat / Try our Coffee / It can't be Beat". Not sure how much coffee is supposed to relax you, but maybe they serve it with a side of crystal meth and a pile of sugar. This Denny's had some glass block partitions and fancy patterned booths. High-class stuff. While I was crouched down on the ground to get a photo of the signs and booths, our waiter asks me if I slipped and was building a case to sue them. Uh, yeah. Tho' I gotta be careful what I say about the waitstaff on these pages now, cuz I recently got an email yelling at me and threatening to sue me because I made some not-so-kind remarks about a not-so-good waiter a while back. People these days.
• I'd like to take this space to comment about how I get all these emails from waiters and managers saying that they have all sorts of free stuff and food to give me if I go to their restaurants (which are always thousands of miles away from anywhere I'm even thinking of going in the next year or so), yet when I go to a restaurant, people are usually very hesitant to give me anything. Though, I think Chad would have given us something better, except that their very tall manager was on duty and they didn't want to get fired. They figure she's about 6'6, but they're too afraid to ask.
• WAY: no
• Free Stuff: menu
• Video: Mile High Club Part VI (~1.5MB)

Denny's #0374 Las Cruces, New Mexico 23 January 2000 8:25pm MST 740 S. Main St., 2 miles north of I-10 (505) 524-0791

• Attendees: P7A77, Amie, Jon Vanderford
• Wait-person(s): Dinah
• What we ate: P7A77 - Rainbow Sherbet Vanilla Shake; Amie - Moonquake Shake (banana, coffee, and chocolate sauce); Jon - Strawberry Shake (with real strawberries)
• Well, hell. This is one difficult Denny's to find. We missed it on the way up (we got on Main Street too far north, and by the time we realized it, it was too late), so we took the main freeway on the way down, and looked for Main Street. No main street. Once we got out of town we figured we had gone too far, so we drove back the initial way we had gone through town, but this time took Main Street the other direction. Then it ended and became Water Street (or something). Then it was Main Street again. And there was the neon Denny's sign. In the old-style text. A rarity, to be sure.
• Dinah was almost more waitress than we could handle. Meaning, she was great, not that she was overly large or anything. She not only offered to make us custom shakes (mainly because she wasn't sure what they had and didn't want to check), but she suggested the "Moonquake" variety to Amie. How 'bout that! I figured I'd be able to get some really keen free stuff out of her, but I think I crossed the line from "cute & quirky" to "goddamned annoying", because she finally just gave me her Employee Safety Bingo Card to get me the hell out of there. Sorry, Dinah.
• Still, though, a satisfactory coda to a Denny's-filled weekend.
• WAY: Bob (cook)
• Free Stuff: Employee Safety Bingo Card
• Video: Mile High Club Part VII (~5.3MB)

As promised, you can view the entire video from this trip in either
High-Resolution Quicktime (~38MB, requires Apple Quicktime Player)
or RealPlayer (optimized for 28.8k, requires RealPlayer).
Share and enjoy.

[ Previous | Index | Next ]

HOME	INTRO	SAMPLER	REVIEWS	VIEWER	TROPHY	FEEDBACK